God, today..what a day! a culmination of no real holiday in 5 years and no day of in 38 days has led to me being, possibly the most disappointed i have been with myself in a long long long long time... under prepared, is not me, nervous is not me...gah! looking back i am cringing still!
The realisation hurts more, the fact that maybe i am not as good as my job as i thought i may be, the one thing i hold on to , the one thing i hold dear, the one thing that is mine, just for me...it may not be my thing any longer.
I cannot deny my confidence has not taken a massive hit..it has, i cannot deny that it may be the catalyst for a big change...it is
I am aware how pathetic and dramatic i sound..that is not my intention, i just need a change, to pull myself together..i am 35, a grown woman, yet i still feel like a twenteen, i still act as though the world is my oyster...a part of it still is, but sadly not the whole thing....but thats part of growning up isn't it?, its life, i am alive and there is not one single part of this that makes me sad..
Monday 6 June 2011
Wednesday 25 May 2011
21 + 14
Today is my birthday, i am 21 +14 ..not sure i'm ready to say the actual age, i honestly still feel about 20, time has flown and it feels like i'm trying to cling onto, dig my nails in and try to slow it down. I don't mean the physical effects of time, i mean that it feels like i have not achieved anything yet, there is still much to do and experience and lets not get started on the whole marriage/children thing..THE PRESSURE.
That aside, its been an interesting birthday, i'm used to birthdays passing without notice but today i was incredibly touched to receive so many message via facebook and twitter..a whopping 192 in total, impossible to reply to them all (well, i could but i'm sure my employer would have words with me) but rest assured that each and everyone made me smile.
I worked today and this evening, although i had planned to go out i just didn't feel like it, its a busy busy month and the opportunity of a night in was too much to pass on, thats incredibly pathetic i know, but a full month without a day off and being 21 +14 does that to a girl.
My gifts to myself today were a gorgeous silver ring shaped like a fern leaf and a years membership to the gym, turning 21 + 14 has led me to think that perhaps i should do more of exercise stuff, after all, looping shopping centres and doing the running man on a Saturday night, will not keep a woman fit forever..will they? WILL THEY? god, i wish they would.
So, the year ahead i intend to make changes, physical ones, emotional ones..somethings got to give and being 21 +14 means i need to grow up, take more care, not be so free with my thoughts and feelings and generally be a woman, a real life grown up woman...a 35 year old woman
That aside, its been an interesting birthday, i'm used to birthdays passing without notice but today i was incredibly touched to receive so many message via facebook and twitter..a whopping 192 in total, impossible to reply to them all (well, i could but i'm sure my employer would have words with me) but rest assured that each and everyone made me smile.
I worked today and this evening, although i had planned to go out i just didn't feel like it, its a busy busy month and the opportunity of a night in was too much to pass on, thats incredibly pathetic i know, but a full month without a day off and being 21 +14 does that to a girl.
My gifts to myself today were a gorgeous silver ring shaped like a fern leaf and a years membership to the gym, turning 21 + 14 has led me to think that perhaps i should do more of exercise stuff, after all, looping shopping centres and doing the running man on a Saturday night, will not keep a woman fit forever..will they? WILL THEY? god, i wish they would.
So, the year ahead i intend to make changes, physical ones, emotional ones..somethings got to give and being 21 +14 means i need to grow up, take more care, not be so free with my thoughts and feelings and generally be a woman, a real life grown up woman...a 35 year old woman
Friday 25 March 2011
Friday 18 February 2011
Friends - some you win, some you lose
Sometimes things happen in your life that you cant quite fathom out. One of these things is when a friend, or someone you thought a friend decides that you are no longer.
Recently, i realised with great sadness that someone i had a closeness with decided they were too busy to have me in their life any longer, they told me the very words . Now, as a friend, being a friend to others and having them myself i cannot understand this -friends are unconditional, we do not set boundaries, we make time for each other isn't that the point?
Anyway, there is nothing i can do about this, so, for anyone who has forsaken a friend for their career, i say this, I hope your job can give you advice when you need it, cheer you up when you need it, listen to you when you need it, do favours for you when you need them, console you when you need it..cherish your friends, for they are the ones who will stick by you when you need it most..not your pay check
Recently, i realised with great sadness that someone i had a closeness with decided they were too busy to have me in their life any longer, they told me the very words . Now, as a friend, being a friend to others and having them myself i cannot understand this -friends are unconditional, we do not set boundaries, we make time for each other isn't that the point?
Anyway, there is nothing i can do about this, so, for anyone who has forsaken a friend for their career, i say this, I hope your job can give you advice when you need it, cheer you up when you need it, listen to you when you need it, do favours for you when you need them, console you when you need it..cherish your friends, for they are the ones who will stick by you when you need it most..not your pay check
Hold Up!!
In my infinite wisdom stupidity i've agreed to take part in Norfolk Hold Up to raise funds for Norfolk Hospice Tapping House, a facility in Norfolk who help patients, carers and families living with cancer or other life-limiting illnesses, by providing timely and professional care and much needed support.
So, to help them raise some much needed cash i am being thrown in the cells for a day..and i need you good people to help me!
Stand by your phones on 2nd
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME THERE!!
So, to help them raise some much needed cash i am being thrown in the cells for a day..and i need you good people to help me!
Stand by your phones on 2nd
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME THERE!!
Saturday 1 January 2011
The Twitterati
Ten (of many) lovely Twitter people who have touched me in one way or another in 2010 (not in THAT way you pervert)
@lingoliz
@davidblackm0re
@womaninblack
@paulsaxton
@Jamierothwell
@brays_cottage
@IK75
@lostinnorfolk
@snortlecomedy
@stuartflatt
and @Jesus_M_Christ ..he touched me too :) :)
@lingoliz
@davidblackm0re
@womaninblack
@paulsaxton
@Jamierothwell
@brays_cottage
@IK75
@lostinnorfolk
@snortlecomedy
@stuartflatt
and @Jesus_M_Christ ..he touched me too :) :)
New things, Old Things, Dancing, Retail and Wings!
A new year, hooray!! to be honest, I'm glad to see the end of 2010, it had its moments and all but on the whole it was not my finest to date. Anyway, i refuse to moan and winge about it so onwards and upwards, new challenges beckon and I cannot wait!
In a few days i head back to work, into my old jobs and one new one, a challenging one at that. Of course, me being me this thrills me, knowing there are challenges ahead ranks highly on the list of things that press my buttons when accepting a job (that and variation). So, having 2.5 other jobs already, I'm under no illusion that the forthcoming months will be hard, scheduling my time will be more important than ever but I'm ready for it..three challenging jobs, a whirlwind of Events, PR, Production, Marketing, Talking, Listening, Creating, Networking, Organising, Reading, Learning and more..I've some great projects and clients to work with this year, some new, some existing..all exciting, I have my new notebook and diary waiting to go with me. It's geeky i know but i LOVE a new notebook, starting afresh with new one always makes me feel so organised and tidy of mind.
The notebook gets carried everywhere i go, even to the bedside, and in it go all my notes and ideas and plans, from there they go into my laptop which then gets backed up regularly (once bitten twice shy, hence the perhaps overly cautious nature!)...i cannot begin to explain the feeling when your laptop gives up on you, taking your work with it to the grave!
So, the new job, heading up marketing and events for a shopping centre, is a slight change of direction for me, most of my work events/PR work tends to be more arts led..however, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I'm staying with the civic job too for a few more months to head up their events and PR for 2011, lots of sponsorship and funding work to do there to ensure a full schedule of events and facilities for the town, I'll also be at at Lingo where 2011 see's an exciting schedule of work plus the relaunch of DownhamWeb. I'll also be with the Fairyland Trust helping organise our 2011 Fairy Fair - and our 10th birthday, i have a full year of PR to plan, wings to get into stores and again, I'll be on the funding trail..this year, we need it more than ever.
Due to work, the past few years, i have forgone holidays and hobbies in order to focus on it solely, but this year, i fully intend to start both again, i think i may need a clone..and some luck!
In a few days i head back to work, into my old jobs and one new one, a challenging one at that. Of course, me being me this thrills me, knowing there are challenges ahead ranks highly on the list of things that press my buttons when accepting a job (that and variation). So, having 2.5 other jobs already, I'm under no illusion that the forthcoming months will be hard, scheduling my time will be more important than ever but I'm ready for it..three challenging jobs, a whirlwind of Events, PR, Production, Marketing, Talking, Listening, Creating, Networking, Organising, Reading, Learning and more..I've some great projects and clients to work with this year, some new, some existing..all exciting, I have my new notebook and diary waiting to go with me. It's geeky i know but i LOVE a new notebook, starting afresh with new one always makes me feel so organised and tidy of mind.
The notebook gets carried everywhere i go, even to the bedside, and in it go all my notes and ideas and plans, from there they go into my laptop which then gets backed up regularly (once bitten twice shy, hence the perhaps overly cautious nature!)...i cannot begin to explain the feeling when your laptop gives up on you, taking your work with it to the grave!
So, the new job, heading up marketing and events for a shopping centre, is a slight change of direction for me, most of my work events/PR work tends to be more arts led..however, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I'm staying with the civic job too for a few more months to head up their events and PR for 2011, lots of sponsorship and funding work to do there to ensure a full schedule of events and facilities for the town, I'll also be at at Lingo where 2011 see's an exciting schedule of work plus the relaunch of DownhamWeb. I'll also be with the Fairyland Trust helping organise our 2011 Fairy Fair - and our 10th birthday, i have a full year of PR to plan, wings to get into stores and again, I'll be on the funding trail..this year, we need it more than ever.
Due to work, the past few years, i have forgone holidays and hobbies in order to focus on it solely, but this year, i fully intend to start both again, i think i may need a clone..and some luck!
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