God, today..what a day! a culmination of no real holiday in 5 years and no day of in 38 days has led to me being, possibly the most disappointed i have been with myself in a long long long long time... under prepared, is not me, nervous is not me...gah! looking back i am cringing still!
The realisation hurts more, the fact that maybe i am not as good as my job as i thought i may be, the one thing i hold on to , the one thing i hold dear, the one thing that is mine, just for me...it may not be my thing any longer.
I cannot deny my confidence has not taken a massive hit..it has, i cannot deny that it may be the catalyst for a big change...it is
I am aware how pathetic and dramatic i sound..that is not my intention, i just need a change, to pull myself together..i am 35, a grown woman, yet i still feel like a twenteen, i still act as though the world is my oyster...a part of it still is, but sadly not the whole thing....but thats part of growning up isn't it?, its life, i am alive and there is not one single part of this that makes me sad..